Celebrity Baby Names: 13 Unlucky Kids
Posted on June 30th, 2008 by Rachel Sawyer in CelebritiesWelcome to our site. If you like what you see why not subscribe to our RSS feed. You can also help us by bookmarking this page with the Share This icon above or at the end of the post. Follow us on Twitter. Thanks for visiting!
Max and Emme Anthony
Max and Emme Anthony. Nice names. And a little disappointing for scholars of celebrity baby names. Who woulda thought Jennifer Lopez and Mark Anthony would go for normal?
There are many advantages to being the child of a celebrity: Wealth, good-looking genes, hobnobbing with famous people. But being the child of a celebrity is a tough act to follow. Just ask Marlon Brando’s kids. Or Joan Crawford’s. Isn’t it hard enough for a girl to follow in the footsteps of a mom who’s a sexpot like Demi Moore without being saddled with a name like Rumer?
So Max and Emme are lucky; other celebrity spawn were not so fortunate.
Moxie CrimeFighter Jillette
Penn Jillette’s daughter gets her first name from a soft drink. Her second, the speaking half of magic act Penn & Teller says, will come in handy when she’s pulled over for speeding. “She can say, ‘But officer, we’re on the same side,’” Jillette explained. “‘My middle name is CrimeFighter.’”
I dunno. Highway patrolmen aren’t particularly known for having a sense of humor. A reply like that might not come off. He’d probably think little Moxie was mouthing off and haul her into the station for a strip search.
Audio Science Clayton
Long after actress Shannyn Sossamon’s sell by date expires, her son with Dallas Clayton will still be named Audio Science Clayton, and will have suffered a lifetime’s worth of noogies, wedgies and other humiliations. The actress defended her choice of such an unusual name , saying “We wanted a word, not a name.” Shannyn and Dallas reportedly read the dictionary “three or four times” before alighting upon Science. But just plain old Science wasn’t good enough. Science, you see, “might get shortened to Sci, as in Simon.” God forbid the child should have a graceful way out. And what is Audio Science anyway? The science of noise?
Apple Martin
The daughter of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin was named after a fruit because “Apples are so sweet, and they’re wholesome, and it’s biblical.” If you say so.
The SS Stallone
All of Sylvester Stallone kids have his initials, SS. Some may find this cute. But the names–Sage Moonblood, Seargeogh, Sophia Rose, Sistine Rose and Scarlet Rose–aren’t. Except for Sophia, who for some reason shares a middle name with her sister Scarlet. You’d think someone who could come up with Seargeogh could come up with a different middle name.
Ptolemy Williams
OK, it’s a name. But it seems to have fallen out of favor sometime after Cleopatra ruled Egypt. The son of Gretchen Mol and director Tod Williams will go through life saying “The P is silent” when spelling his name for the gazillionth time. I picture driver’s licenses, school rosters and paychecks with various misspellings that poor little Ptolemy will have to correct, trudging down to the Motor Vehicle Agency again and again. And God knows what his mail will look like.
Dandelion Richards
The daughter of Rolling Stones Keith Richards and Anita Pallenberg now goes by the name of Angela. Hard to blame her. Who wants to be named after a weed? Yeah, yeah; there’s a song. But the song came five years before the daughter.
The Geldof girls: Peaches, Fifi Trixibelle and Pixie
They look normal enough, but it seems like Bob Geldof named his daughters after strippers as in “I really like those Peaches.” They’re joined by Heavenly Hirani Tiger Lily, the only daughter of the late INXS star Michael Hutchence and Paula Yates, mother of Peaches et al.
Just call him Joey
Zowie Bowie, son of rocker David Bowie, also dropped his name in favor of something more prosaic.
The Foreman Dynasty
There’s George Foreman, one-time boxer and grill salesman; his oldest son, George Jr.; George III, number 2 son; George IV, the next guy, George V, his successor; and George VI, the prince regent. His daughters are named Freeda George and Georgetta. Just goes to show that you don’t have to resort to weird names to screw up your children.
The Zappa kids
Moon Unit, Dweezil, Ahmed Emuukha and Diva Muffin. ‘Nuff said.
The reign of the Jacksons
After Michael, the King of Pop, come Prince Michael I and Prince Michael II, whose nickname is Blanket.
He’s not Superman
But Kal-El Coppola Cage bears the Man of Steel’s birth name. How many schoolyard challenges do you think he’ll have to face?
June 30th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
What about Robert Rodriguez’s children?
Rocket,
Racer,
Rebel,
Rogue,
Rhiannon.
How cruel????!
June 30th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
You forgot the Phoenix Family…
River
Joaquin
Liberty
Leaf
Rainbow
and I may have forgotten one or two….
July 13th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
Children are such an important part of one’s life–why would you want to make a joke at the expense of your own child?
At least the people who name their kids Tiffany and Brittany are just plain idiots. These weisenheimers are just a waste of time.